charsane

_{"She is clothed in strength and dignity, and laughs without fear of the future." Proverbs 31:25}

I really have no idea what is wrong with me. I should be so happy and excited and love everything about my life right now. I've got it good, I know that, and I try to refrain from taking it for granted. But that's in the best of times.

"They were the best of times, they were the worst of times..." Charles Dickens knew his shit. He really did. Even out of context, the beginning phrase of one of his most critically acclaimed novels is still relevant to people today.

I suppose I feel this way because there is so much pressure this year. I graduate high school at the end of this year. It seemed like we'd all be in high school forever, four years was such a long time to be in school when we were thirteen. Now we're almost adults, some of us already are, and we're going to be moving on in the world soon. It's scary.

To work so hard to get so far and then realize that real life is gonna suck is a really big let down. Things won't be handed to us any more. We won't have someone to do the laundry for us or hold us when we have a nightmare. We're gonna be on our own soon.

I personally have been waiting for that my whole life, or at least since I was aware it was possible. But now we've gotta slog through one more year of high school, just one more, nine more months of my life down the drain.

Everything used to look so permanent.

Now, I'm not so sure.

_{Take everything one step at a time and you will arrive at your destination.}

Whelp, I've scrapped almost half of my photography gallery.

Some of them I will edit and resubmit, most of them I will not.

I've also moved some things around in my other gallery folders. I like organizing things. I wonder why I'm not going to be a math or science major, since I like order so much? Another time...

I'll be editing photos for the rest of the night, and most of tomorrow, and I'll probably be taking more photos tomorrow as well. I can't wait to see what I come up with.

Three hundred deviations. I have been a member of this community for five years and I have contributed three hundred pieces of artwork.

And I'm not done yet.

I'll be moving a lot of work to my scraps since some of it (most of it) is not as mature and developed as I would like to showcase. My style of writing and my style of visual creation has changed, as it should. I'd be upset if it didn't. If I was the same as I was five years ago when I first tripped over myself into this website, I think I'd have given up a long time ago.

I'm glad I haven't.

I owe all this hard work to you, my watchers. I owe it to everyone who has ever taken a split second to look at my work. I owe it to everyone who has skipped over it, thereby telling me what I should stop doing to make my art more attractive. I owe it to everyone who has hit the fave button on one of my works, and I worship the people that have chosen to watch me. It is an honor. I owe it to everyone on this website who has ever put up a piece that has become marginally successful, as it gives me hope that someday I'll be marginally successful, too.

I owe it to everyone who has given me suggestions and pointers, or has answered my questions either on artwork or in the forums. I've learned a lot in five years.

I hope in the next five years that I continue my art education in my senior year of high school and four years of college, that I will amass enough information in my brain that I will be able to sufficiently give back to the community here.

It's been a humbling, stumbling, flying and flip-flopping journey, and I hope the ride doesn't end soon.

Thanks, everyone.